Palejowe ABC - SMUTE

Sadness is one of the basic emotions we are equipped with from childhood. We react with sadness at times when we lose something that was of value to us. It is a natural emotion at difficult times.

Sadness can be felt and expressed in a variety of ways. Tears are the most obvious sign of this condition, but sadness in children can also manifest as stomach aches or hide under outbursts of anger.

If children grieve, it means they have a reason for it, although from our adult perspective it may be trivial. However, a child experiences the world from a different perspective and is entitled to his own feelings. So it's worth avoiding belittling a child's experiences and feelings, and leaning into a child's sadness and asking the child to say something more about it.

One of the most important messages you can give your child in times of sadness is that you are there for them. Sadness can intensify feelings of loneliness, especially if you are experiencing something very personal. It's helpful to have the support of someone who recognizes this sadness, accepts it and makes space for it to resound. It sounds highfalutin, but with young children, the loss of a favorite teddy grows into a big deal. If your child wants you to share his or her story of grief, tell it. Awareness of the fact that everyone sometimes goes through difficult moments, grieves and cries can add some reassurance, a sense of community and ease emotions.

Parents often try to be strong for their children to show them that everything will be fine. They push down their emotions and suppress them so as not to show the child that they are experiencing something difficult. However, it can actually be beneficial to the child when adults show emotion. Children don't need to be told what specifically happened. Instead, it's enough to say, "Daddy/mommy is sad too." This normalizes the child's sadness and shows that feelings are not something the child needs to mask or be ashamed of. That's why it's important not to shame the child during crying or strong emotions, or compare him or her to other people, or tell him or her that he or she is already big and can't cry.

When accompanying another person in his emotions, we may feel helplessness. There is a strong desire to do something to make these emotions pass quickly and to somehow fix the situation. Such a desire tells us that we are difficult with these emotions, that we ourselves need support or to allow ourselves to feel the emotions and to let them pass at their own pace. This is because it is often the case that we won't be able to fix the situation. And if we don't fix it, the sense of loss or sadness will remain. And what we can do in such moments is only (or as much as!) to be next to the person in need and let them know that they can count on us.

There is no timetable for overcoming sadness. Depending on the cause that made your child sad, this emotion may last shorter or longer. It may also be that the sense of loss will always accompany the child, but over time he can learn to cope and feel happy again. The child should be able to cope with his feelings at his own pace.

True strength and resilience are built when we learn to regulate emotions and cope when they arise, rather than by ignoring them. Allowing your child to experience and live through grief allows him or her to mourn the loss - and this is a necessary step for them to be able to recover from that grief. When you allow your child to experience the onset of sadness or grief and accompany him or her through it, he or she learns that he or she is capable of dealing with big emotions.

When you notice that your child or yourself are experiencing overly intense and prolonged sadness that negatively affects daily functioning, seek the support of a doctor (primary care or psychiatrist), psychologist or psychotherapist.