Paly ABC - RESPONSIBILITY

However, if every day we get the impression that all domestic responsibilities fall on us, at work we have to check that others are definitely doing their jobs properly, children do their homework on time, and the well-being of people around us depends on us, then we are most likely taking responsibility for things that should be taken care of by someone else. Then this sought-after and valued trait can become a burden to us.

After all, not everything can be controlled and not everything can be influenced. The tendency to overly accept responsibility, like many other unhelpful behaviors and beliefs, can be traced back to childhood. Children who are blamed for things beyond their control - such as other people's emotions, finances or their parents' relationships - begin to believe that they are actually responsible for them. Sometimes adults expect children to live up to expectations that are inadequate for their age and development, as well as to take care of a parent, take care of the house and other daily affairs. There is also often a situation in which the child becomes a confidant of his or her parent and is forced to listen to the parent's problems, advise the parent, as well as take the parent's side, for example, in a conflict with the other parent. Such role reversal in the family is called parentification. By becoming the parent's caregiver, the child is forced to take on adult responsibilities and behavior before he is ready to do so. This affects them negatively, disrupting the natural and gradual process of maturation.

Nevertheless, it is worth remembering that when children take on responsibilities appropriate to their age and development, and in addition, their efforts are recognized and appreciated, this promotes the child's development. From a developmental point of view, it is even advisable for children to have their daily tasks and responsibilities. The key thing, however, is that they should be tailored to the children's abilities. It is also quite natural when, in the event of a parent's temporary indisposition or illness, an older child takes over the care of younger siblings or the house. At such moments, it is worth appreciating the child's responsibility and commitment, also letting him know that the situation is temporary.

What, on the other hand, can be a risk factor for prolonged and long-term role reversal in the parent-child relationship is a parent's disability, an illness or disability that affects another family member (a child's sibling, grandparents), a parent's emotional difficulties, a caregiver's alcohol abuse, or a lack of support from other adults.

Help at home should not come at the expense of a child or teenager's emotional or physical health. Nor should it interfere with their school duties or relationships with peers.

Children should never carry the burden of responsibility for the safety of the family, the happiness of their parents or their emotions. As for the latter, it is important for the adult to set an example for children in the process of learning to deal with their emotions. For some people, the information that changes their perspective on the world is that we ourselves are responsible for how we interpret the events that happen to us, and how we feel and react as a result. Few people realize that the person responsible for their feelings is actually themselves. Other people's actions and behaviors are triggers of sorts, however, the cause of every feeling lies within us.

This can be explained in a simple way: different people may react differently to the same stimulus. Our reaction to certain words, events, situations and even subsequent life stages is a product of past experiences, beliefs, values and expectations. The way we respond to an external stimulus determines our reactions.

Taking responsibility for one's feelings triggered by the behavior of someone else does not mean that we accept, excuse or condone that behavior. It simply means that we accept our emotions, whatever they may be. This applies to both unpleasant and pleasant emotions. Let's assume that we feel great, better than ever before. Our needs are met, expectations are fulfilled, everything is going our way. However, if we think that this well-being is due to someone else, we are, as it were, handing over the reins to our well-being to someone else. Because if the other person disappears, we lose the external source of our pleasant feelings and loneliness, anger, sadness, or anxiety appear. By making our emotions dependent on the other person, we relinquish some of our freedom and condemn ourselves to disappointment and dissatisfaction caused by someone not responding to our expectations.

If you feel like seeing how this works in practice the next time your child or partner does something you perceived as hurtful, spiteful, ungrateful, etc., think for a moment what was behind their reaction? Why do you think they chose this particular way of communication at that moment? What did they want to obtain? What did they need? When you perceive the true intention hiding behind the other person's behavior, it will be easier to take care of yourself. After all, what you heard was really information about the other person and their unmet needs or unfulfilled expectations, not about you.