Palejovo ABC - EYES.

"If only..." - is a beginning that, although it promises to be innocent, is the source of much disappointment and dissatisfaction. If only the weather had been better, if only I had been younger, if only I had been older, if only I had quit my job then, if only I had not quit my job then... If only something had happened, we would certainly be happy now. Staying in the realm of dreams, we think that when we realize our intentions, it will bring us closer to a sense of fulfillment. In reality, however, the opposite happens. It is true that joy and satisfaction appear with each successive goal achieved, but they are usually short-lived, and their place is quickly taken by new expectations that grow like mushrooms after the rain. They appear in many forms - every day we face larger expectations and thousands of smaller ones.

We expect many things from ourselves, others from us, and we from them. Expectations affect virtually every area of life: from where and how we should live, to what our parenting, relationships, work or vacations should be like. When we recognize our expectations, we can slowly weaken their dominant influence on us so that they don't define our daily experiences, much less who we are. By realizing that our expectations are only our vision, which will not necessarily come true because they depend on many factors, we reduce the risk of painful disappointment when any of our expectations do not come true.

Excessive expectations can lead to frustration, upset, and even making bad and ill-considered decisions. This does not mean that now overnight you should get rid of them all and expect nothing anymore. Perhaps that would be a solution of sorts, however, as is usually the case at such moments, a golden mean comes in handy. For it turns out that the children of parents who have high expectations of them achieve better educational results. However, there is a catch - these expectations must be adjusted to the capabilities of the child in question. If they are too high, instead of motivating, they can lead to difficulties not only at school, but also emotionally. The key, therefore, is to get to know your child well and believe in his or her abilities.

The pressure placed on children forces them to be their best. While high expectations help children feel confident and capable, the pressure can cause them to start avoiding challenging activities and lead to anxiety. This is because the reality is that children don't want to disappoint and let their parents down, so they often set a high bar for themselves. However, set too high and without adequate adult support, it will become an obstacle rather than a motivation. From there, it's close to so-called "straw enthusiasm" and the idea that it's better to do nothing than to fail.

EYE CLAPS

On the topic of expectations, it is also important to understand the difference between them and possibilities. Expectations assume a certain outcome. So in reality, they narrow our options because they act as a kind of blindfold - they make it difficult to see other options. They introduce rigidity into life and cause us to react impulsively to any perceived threat to meeting those expectations. Being open to possibilities, on the other hand, fosters an acceptance that the results we want or something we desire may be subject to modification over time. This then opens up space in us for options we had not even considered before, which may prove beneficial to us.

OPENING UP OPPORTUNITIES

So we can move toward turning expectations into seeing opportunities. Seeing life as an opportunity for growth is useful for this. By focusing on the value of the process, we will begin to see the importance of the path to the goal, not just the end result. By recognizing the effort put into exercise, work or study, and paying attention to the small accomplishments along the way, we will avoid action-paralyzing pressure. In this process, we will also find room for making mistakes and learning from them. Treating setbacks as a natural stage of development allows us to take risks with more courage and curiosity about what the next day will bring.

Remember that children will try to meet their parents' expectations, even at the expense of themselves, because they care about the love and approval of their caregivers. It is important to show the child that we believe in them, cheer them on to achieve their next goals, and at the same time love them regardless of the outcome. It's worth bearing this in mind when we want to comment on a bad grade on a test, or when comparing their performance to that of others. Instead, we can offer children our emotional and practical support, which they may need to achieve their goals.

Let's encourage children to make an effort, but at the same time let's not put pressure. Let's trust the child and the fact that with our help he will make the most of his abilities. And maybe along the way we will find that what our child needs is something completely different from what we would like.

For people (those smaller and larger) who would like to fortify themselves with a nice read, I recommend the book "Dot" by Peter Reynolds.

Murayama K. Et al. (2015), Don't Aim Too High for Your Kids: Parental Overaspiration Undermines Students' Learning in Mathematics, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology