Paly ABC - MODELING

Sometimes people see learning as an activity that takes place through the use of books, listening to the teacher in lessons and memorizing what he wants to tell us. On the other hand, many people think that the most effective method of teaching others, especially children, is through punishing or forcing them to do certain things. Under the watchful and punishing eye of a supervisor, children will perhaps behave "as expected." However, in the long run, such a method may prove unreliable and counterproductive.

What, then, is to be done to make children want to act in a way that is consistent with social norms and family values? The answer is simple, yet not at all easy to implement.

Live and speak to your child and others the way you would like them to live too

Human beings learn and imitate others throughout their lives. Studies conducted on children who are developing normally have shown that there are two reasons why children imitate others. The first is to learn and acquire new skills. The second is to socialize and engage with others. It has also been found that children diagnosed with autism have more difficulty imitating. The process of modeling and learning desired behavior is particularly important in their case, as they require support in this area.

As early as infancy, children can be seen repeating certain behaviors after their caregivers - reciprocating smiles, making faces, sticking out their tongues. Children learn how the world around them works by constantly paying attention to what other people are doing. Up to a certain point, parents are the biggest influence on children, although even children as young as several months old can also draw patterns from observing other people - familiar and complete strangers, as well as from movies or commercials they have seen.

Learning takes place all the time, even if we have no conscious intention of teaching the child. Observing a caregiver's movements triggers a response in the sensory-motor cortex of the child's brain, and this helps the child learn to perform the observed action. We can use this knowledge to train desired behaviors, such as reaching for toys, putting them back on the shelf or rolling a ball. Young children enjoy imitating actions performed by their parents: they pretend to talk on the phone while walking around the room with a serious face, wipe water off the floor, and can surprise with a vulgarity thrown while standing in traffic. Parents who read books in front of their children will be observed by their kids, and thus reading will become something worth imitating for them.

Children on the playground can watch other children experience unpleasantness for playing violently or beating others with a spatula, and as a result avoid such behavior. Before they play, they may watch their peers playing and learn the rules of the game. It is worth keeping this in mind and giving such little observers some time, rather than pressuring them to join in the fun.

Modeling is not just limited to behavior. It plays an equally important role when it comes to learning how to deal with emotions, resolve conflicts, and establish and maintain relationships with others. Wanting to teach children to answer questions calmly, wait their turn, say "good morning" or "excuse me" or share with others, it is worth introducing such practices into your home. Children who grow up in an environment where adults behave according to their values and standards, while being encouraged (but not forced) to do so, are more likely to respond and behave as parents would like.

It is better to bet on an action with long-term effects, which will make the child have an inner conviction that it is worthwhile, for example, to share with others or apologize for the harm done. If he sees the value and benefits of such actions, he will see them as something important and worth putting into practice. Forcing, on the other hand, can have the effect of making the child unwilling to do as the parents want. If adults expect the child to talk to them calmly and to comply with their requests, while they themselves use shouting, threats and punishment to enforce their words, the child will receive just such a pattern of communication. It is difficult to expect him to behave in a non-violent manner if he is met with unpleasantness on a daily basis.

Although spanking is prohibited by law in Poland, there are still some adults who believe that the best remedy for disobedience is a decent spanking. Such thinking not only defies logic, but also scientific reports. Exposure to violence - whether verbal or physical - is one of the main factors causing children to replicate aggressive behavior. Punishment applied to a child increases the risk that the frequency of unwanted behavior will only increase instead of decreasing. On the other hand, parents who resolve conflicts non-violently, seek solutions and are curious about the interlocutor's point of view can model these behaviors, helping the child learn constructive ways of communicating.

The preschool years are a time when a child's language is perfected, body image is formed, as well as eating habits. The way we speak to children and the words we use play an important role in how quickly and correctly your child will master language and how to communicate with the world. Another example of behaviors that can affect a child's future life and health are eating habits. Children learn to eat specific foods based on the beliefs, attitudes and behaviors of the adults they spend time with. This includes both what to eat and how to eat it. Parents who eat a variety of healthy foods on a daily basis help their children make the same choices. On the other hand, watching caregivers eat fast food, unhealthy snacks and scrimp on emotions instills this eating pattern in children.

The preschool and teenage years are also important for the formation of a positive self-image. By observing their parents and their attitudes toward their bodies, children learn to accept their bodies. If mom or dad constantly complain about their figure, pointing out protruding flanks or being too thin, children see that body appearance is something insanely important and must be taken into account. The perception of one's body is also heavily influenced by media messages and movie or music stars, who are an inspiration to growing children. If a parent does not accept or like his or her body, it is worthwhile, at least in front of the children, to refrain from making negative comments about appearance. Unfortunately, statistics are alarming and indicate that already younger and younger children - even at preschool age, are starting to follow restrictive diets, exercise too intensely for their age or starve themselves in order to meet expectations about their appearance.

When a child becomes a teenager, many caregivers mistakenly assume that they have ceased to be a role model for their daughter or son, and that the child does not consider their opinion in his or her choices at all. However, for teenagers, parents still play an important role. Although, at the same time, they try scrupulously to hide it, arguing with their parents or undermining everything they say. The learning process is still in full swing. The effects can be seen in the coming years. On the other hand, by an outsider, they may already be visible - using similar words, the same way of telling a story, similar gesticulation or speaking on certain topics. Sometimes it can feel as if you are talking to the same person only in a younger and older version.

So the next time we say something to a child or are in his presence, let's think about whether the way we speak, the way we react and the way we act is exactly what we would like to teach him. These little sentient beings absorb everything like a sponge, pack it meticulously into their ever-growing backpack of experience and go through life with it.

Sources of knowledge and inspiration that led to this article:

Sege R.D., Siegel B.S. (2018) Effective Discipline to Raise Healthy Children, Pediatrics

Waismeyer A., Meltzoff A.N. (2017) Learning to make things happen: infants' observational learning of social and physical causal event, Journal of Experimental Child Psychology