Palejovo ABC - COMMUNICATION

Patterns of communication with other people are learned from an early age. Therefore, it would seem that everyone can do it. However, our experience shows otherwise - in everyday communication, something often doesn't work and something breaks. We say one thing, the other person hears something different, and misunderstandings, frustrations and conflicts ensue.

Even people who consciously and intensely work on communicating with others sometimes make mistakes. Moreover, even if we follow all good practices and have the best intentions, there will still be someone who will look for a second bottom in our speech or think we are attacking them. We are responsible for our emotions and behavior and for the content we want to convey to the interlocutor. Unfortunately, we can never be sure how the other person will receive our message and how it will affect them - that remains their responsibility.

For many of us, communicating more effectively requires mastering several important skills, the acquisition of which will deepen bonds with others and increase the chances of mutual understanding, trust and respect.

When communicating with other people, we often focus on what we should say and not necessarily on what the interlocutor wants us to say. This happens even more often when talking to a child. As a result, we listen only to respond and express our opinions, rather than to really hear and understand our interlocutor. However, effective communication works both ways and involves not only speaking, but also listening carefully. Good listening means not only understanding the words or information being conveyed, but also understanding the emotions the interlocutor is experiencing and feeling. This skill is extremely useful with children and people in strong emotions, because then the ability to clearly express one's thoughts diminishes.

There is a big difference between engaged listening and simply hearing. When you really listen, you are able to hear the subtle intonation changes in someone's voice that tell you how that person is feeling and what emotions they are trying to convey. By listening with commitment, you will not only understand the other person better, but also make them feel heard and understood, which can help build a stronger, deeper relationship between you.

By communicating in this way, you will also experience a process that reduces stress and promotes physical and emotional well-being. If you are agitated and talking to a loved one who is calm, their involvement and willingness to understand what you want to communicate can help you calm down. Similarly, if your child is upset, you can help him calm down by being calm and accepting of his experience. This will help your child feel understood and safe, and her still-developing brain will start sending signals to her body that it's okay to calm down. In this way, getting support from adults, children learn to regulate their emotions.

If you're talking to a child and you care that he or she is taking note of what you're saying, focus fully on him or her during the conversation. You can't listen with engagement if you're constantly checking notifications on your phone or thinking about your plans for the evening. Focus on the conversation in progress to pick up information and important non-verbal cues. Try to set aside judgment and criticism. Also withhold advice unless your child asks you for it.

To communicate effectively with someone, you don't have to agree with their ideas, values or opinions. The point is to try to see things from the perspective of the person you are talking to. When you refrain from blaming and criticizing, you make space for each other to hear and share what is most important to each party.

Even the most difficult but well-conducted conversations can lead to a deep bond with someone. Opening up to differing opinions or values is especially important when a child becomes a teenager. In order not to inflamed smoldering conflicts and sever relationships, it is worth activating curiosity to see what is really behind the unpleasant message we hear from a teenager. Behind the roughest words is still hiding our beloved child, who, despite being so repulsive and exhibiting spikes, needs parental support and love.

So often you may hear from parents that the child does not listen to them at all. But does that mean he doesn't hear, or that he doesn't want to follow all instructions? And do parents actually listen to their child? The best way to get children to listen is to show them that we, too, listen carefully to what they are saying to us and what they want to convey to us. This doesn't mean that we have to agree with everything. It means that we take into account what the children say, and that they and their issues are important to us.

Through difficult behavior, the child lets us know that he is not coping with something and some of his needs are unmet. Sometimes it is difficult to see this at first glance. By reproaching the child and calling him to order, we will not ensure long-term success for ourselves and the child. Perhaps the child will temporarily calm down, however, his unmet needs will continue to be unmet, and thus sooner or later there will be further misunderstandings and conflicts.

The earlier parents start listening to their child and talking to him, the better the chances of effective communication becoming natural for him. Listening to a child's pains is extremely important for proper development, even if from an adult's perspective the child talks about trivial and unimportant things. If we listen to young children tell us about their issues, when they are bigger they will come to us with bigger, more adult issues, because they will know they can count on us.

Listen carefully, without distraction, don't deny the emotions that arise. They will eventually pass, you just need to give them time. Don't assume in advance that you know better. It's obvious that you have more life experience, but you will never know with certainty what the other person, even the smallest one, is experiencing. And if you necessarily want to say something, then instead of golden advice share your experience, tell how it was for you in a similar situation.

When talking to your child, pay attention to how you yourself are feeling. Is something making you angry? Perhaps you are experiencing tension or anxiety? Your body will let you know if you are stressed during communication - characteristic symptoms are tense muscles, shallow breathing and feeling hot.

Take a moment to calm down before you decide to continue the conversation or put it off. When you feel you are losing patience, take a break. Go into another room, out on the balcony, get some air. Taking a moment to calm down and get away from the heated situation will help you keep your thinking clear and not say words you will regret later.

Stop to collect your thoughts. Silence gives you a chance to think things over, to deepen the conversation - take a moment to think, not to throw out what first comes to mind. Silence, contrary to appearances, is something dynamic, you can convey a lot with its help.

Many misunderstandings occur in peri-medical situations. In the process of treatment, the child will experience various emotions and difficulties. Be on his side - take into account his experiences. Unpleasant words, crying, anger - all important information about what is going on with the child and what his needs are unmet. Perhaps he is afraid? Perhaps he is tired of constant hospital stays? Maybe he wants a life like his peers - with after-school meetings and interesting activities. Don't deny his emotions. Let him vent, even if the content you hear is difficult and painful. Remember that the child is talking about himself, about what he finds difficult to deal with. By interpreting his words as an attack on yourself, you will close yourself off to the possibility of communicating with him and, as a result, effectively supporting him.

The ability to express your thoughts, feelings and needs clearly and openly is an incredible resource. If you teach this to your child, it will be easier for him to take care of his boundaries outside the home. And while at times such an assertive child is a big challenge for parents, it's worth taking a long-term view. If your child is able to say NO at home, openly communicates his opinion, and at the same time takes into account other people's boundaries and well-being, it will be easier for him to take care of himself when you are not around. He won't have to learn it, because thanks to you he will move into the world equipped with such skills. It will be ready to build communication bridges instead of walls.