Palejowe ABC - IDEA³

At the end of the semester, it turned out that all the best photos were provided by students from the first group. In order to create so many photographs, they had to shoot intensively. This encouraged them to experiment, and through this they honed their skills and learned from their mistakes. The students in the second group focused on considering and planning how to take the perfect photo. Practice went down the drain, which meant they didn't have as many opportunities to train themselves in photography. As a result, their results were only average.

This small experiment perfectly reflects the mechanism of striving for perfection by setting unrealistic expectations for oneself.

In our world, nothing is perfect. Yet social media and advertisements try to tell us otherwise. Working on ourselves, achieving more goals and motivating ourselves are things that help us function and carry out our plans. What is disturbing is the growing tendency to strive to be perfect in every area of life. Surrounding ourselves with perfect social media images and setting expectations so high as to be unrealistic, it's easy to fall into a trap.

Here it is worth noting a few myths that circulate in our society: the myth of the perfect parent (especially mother) and employee, the perfect child and the perfect figure. In the ideal Instagram world, women have flat bellies a few days after giving birth, then easily combine the role of perfect mother and worker of the year, the father just is, which in itself is enough to be perfect, and children are always clean, smiling and cheerful - even during medical procedures. And, of course, we know perfectly well that all this is exaggerated and untrue, but a scratch is left in the subconscious, and every now and then the thoughts are triggered: why does everything work out so well with them, and with me there is one big chaos?

The constant pursuit of perfection can be frustrating. It's a paralyzing feeling that often, instead of propelling us to action, causes our mind to lock up and our body to become flooded with anxiety. Studies show that the constant pursuit of the specter of perfection can seriously damage mental and physical health. Unrealistic expectations, self-imposed strict demands, fear of failure and other people's judgment are just a few of the factors that go hand in hand with an increased risk of depression, anxiety and even eating disorders, high blood pressure and cardiovascular disease.

Now, the point is not to stop trying at all. The opposite of perfectionism is not to completely indulge yourself. It is being good enough and performing one's duties well enough. People who want everything they do to be perfect often feel dissatisfied with themselves and their actions. They are more inclined to set rigid goals, with an "all or nothing" attitude. For such people, the most important thing is the goal and not the journey. They live in the belief that they must always give more, better of themselves. Therefore, many may feel disappointment when they reach their goal. They then wonder: "Is this it? Since I succeeded, that means it wasn't that difficult and worthwhile," and they quickly move on to the next project. There is a lack of room for celebrating and savoring success.

Perfectionism is often passed down from generation to generation, from parents to children. If your parents expected you to get nothing but A's and wins in Olympiads, and didn't notice all the hard work you put into getting achievements, you may start to think you're only worth something if you get top marks. Otherwise, it's not even worth the effort, and any result below expectations equals failure. The only correct option is the first place in a contest, competition, Olympics. Second or third will no longer bring such satisfaction. And it may even initiate a string of thoughts about what mistakes one has made (and what a shame). Perfectionists often agonize over their mistakes and let them define them. But stumbles and failures are an amazing opportunity to grow! By learning from our mistakes, we grow and improve our skills. When you accept that you are imperfect, you can free yourself from the emotional suffering caused by reflecting on every mistake.

Life is for learning and involves, among other things, working on oneself - but not avoiding mistakes at all costs.

Moving from a perfectionist to a self-forgiving mindset may also require some shifts in thinking. When you get upset at your partner, child or friend for not living up to your expectations, remember that they, like you, are imperfect and have the right to make different choices.

By the way, it is making mistakes and learning from them that best prepares your child for life. The real world will not provide him with ideal situations and conditions either. His friends, teachers, sports and school experiences will have shades of imperfection. When children are raised by parents who tolerate their weaknesses, children learn to accept their own flaws and forgive themselves when they mess up. They become gentler to themselves, which does not mean less ambitious. Growing up with the sense that everyone has the right to be wrong is really a great value for a child. This kind of thinking gives him courage and encourages him to act, because the child doesn't block himself with the thought of potential failure.

Pressure from the family undoubtedly affects children, but it doesn't stop there. Peers and other important adults outside the home also play an important role in a child's life. If your daughter or son is surrounded by kids who are all about success and striving for first place in everything, they may feel shame and embarrassment if they don't keep up with the rest. This can also reflect negatively on their self-confidence and self-esteem.

Finally, we leave you with a thought from Dr. Flett, a researcher on perfectionism and the pursuit of the ideal. He once said, If you are concerned that you are putting too much pressure on your children for results, and this is reinforcing their tendency toward perfectionism, try then to remember their first weeks of life. Did you desire them to do something more besides just existing?

LITERATURE:

Clear J., Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones

Curran, T., Hill, A. P. (2019), Perfectionism is increasing over time: A meta-analysis of birth cohort differences from 1989 to 2016, Psychological Bulletin

Flett G. L., Hewitt P. L. (1991), Perfectionism in the Self and Social Contexts: Conceptualization, Assessment and Association With Psychopathology, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology

Harari D., Swider B.W., Steed L.B., Breidenthal A.P. (2018), Is Perfect Good? A Meta-Analysis of Perfectionism in the Workplace, Journal of Applied Psychology

Neff K. (2003), Self-Compassion: An Alternative Conceptualization of a Healthy Attitude Toward Oneself, Self and Identity