Palejovo ABC - EMOTIONS

Emotions add flavor to life's experiences, make us remember certain events better and others less well. They influence how we make decisions. Above all, however, they tell us whether or not our needs are being met at the moment.

All emotions are equally important and necessary, although not all are pleasant. Parents may sometimes be tempted to guide their child through life in such a way that he or she is not exposed to unpleasantness and focuses exclusively on feeling contentment, joy and peace. This task is doomed to failure in advance, because in life there are moments and situations from which, despite the most sincere intentions, we will not protect children. What's more - it's important that unpleasant events sometimes happen, because through them children learn to function in the world and in relationships with other people.

However, when a situation arises in which children feel anger, frustration or sadness caregivers may deny the feelings that arise. The little one may then hear that there is no reason to cry, nothing has happened, or to stop being angry. More often than not, such words are spoken with good intentions - with the hope that the child will calm down when we assure him that everything is fine, or with the idea that he will grow up to be a strong, confident person who does not brood over anything. The intentions are noble, but to achieve our goal, we need to help the child calm down. For this it is necessary to accept the feelings that arise in the child and in ourselves. This is an uncomfortable and difficult task. Other people's unpleasant emotions cause us discomfort and anxiety, which we quickly want to get rid of. Hence the desire for the child to stop crying or screaming as soon as possible. However, it is worth making the effort and supporting the child in learning to express and regulate emotions. Denying emerging emotions will not make them disappear. They will continue to linger and grow in us until finally, sometimes at a completely unexpected moment, under the influence of a seemingly insignificant and minor situation, they will find an outlet and pour out of a person. When we deny the feelings that arise, we let the other person know that we do not believe in what he or she is experiencing. If such a situation is repeatedly encountered by a child and adults constantly question the meaningfulness and truthfulness of the child's experiences, a situation may arise where the young person stops trusting himself, his body and his feelings.

Emotions can be compared to waves on the sea. They just are - they come and go. Even the most rough sea will calm down at some point. Even in the calmest waters, stronger waves happen. The stronger we feel anger, sadness or even joy, the bigger our inner wave gets. When we feel calm the waves are gentle, almost invisible. Let's learn to observe these waves from a safe place on the beach. Let's create the conditions for ourselves and children to let these waves flow in such a way that they don't hurt themselves or others around them.

While supporting the child's development and understanding of what is happening to him, let's focus on naming his feelings. Let's ask what he is currently experiencing and not underestimate his condition. Just because nothing serious has happened from an adult's perspective does not mean that the child also interprets the event in the same way.

Sometimes parents worry about their children's outbursts of anger. They worry that they can't get along with their child when they are very upset. This is a completely natural situation that also happens with adult people. When we experience strong emotions, our ability to think rationally and logically is pushed aside, and only impulsive reactions come to the fore. If we want to show the child a different path of action, if we want him to behave differently in moments of anger, let's postpone conversations on this subject until both we and the child are calm. Human beings learn best when they are relaxed and content. In moments of strong emotion, we are set to fight or flee. Depending on the situation and previous experiences, there can also be a frozen state that makes a person withdraw from the situation, become passive, resigned and helpless. Although from the outside, to an outside observer, he may look calm, in fact, inside he is experiencing a lot of tension that prevents him from making decisions and learning new things.

Despite growing awareness of what role emotions play, there are still many people who can only answer "good" or "bad" when asked how they feel. Children and adults find it easier to deal with emotions when they are aware of what they are feeling. The words "good" or "bad" do not show the entire range of emotions we may actually be experiencing at any given moment. After all, a multitude of feelings can hide under these short, simple statements: through joy, satisfaction, hope or peace to anger, disappointment, depression or despair.

When we express our emotions clearly and teach our children how they can do so, we increase our chances of being heard and understood in communicating with the other in the way we want. Of course, we can never be sure how the other party will understand us and interpret our words. Therefore, it is worth remembering that it takes the willingness of both parties to communicate effectively.