Palejowe ABC - MAMA

Being a mother is not just about holding your tiny, smelly newborn in your arms. A mother is not just a person who is raising her biological or adopted child. It is also a woman who has lost a pregnancy, but has managed to experience maternal love. Being a mother is not just about taking care of children as they grow up, achieve new skills, experience their first ups and downs. It's also a time full of change, discovery and insight into oneself. It's a time of emotions, joys, disappointments and fatigue. It's coping with a new reality that will always look different again than it did before pregnancy, childbirth.

Becoming a mother involves significant physical and psychological changes, and even a change in identity. It is a unique process, one of a kind, when we become so responsible not only for ourselves, but for another human being, completely dependent on us in his first years of life.

Whether a woman gives birth to her child or becomes a mother in some other way, motherhood offers a chance to move back in time to her childhood. By looking for patterns, patterns and behaviors that worked or didn't work, a woman can repeat what she thought was good or correct what didn't serve her. If a woman had a difficult relationship with her own mother, she may try to be the kind of mother she needed when she was a little girl.

Before the baby comes into the world, a woman already has a certain image of this little human being in her mind. As time passes and the belly grows larger and larger, the mother forms a certain story about the baby and motherhood and becomes emotionally involved in the story. The images and expectations of pregnancy and motherhood are formed from observing the experiences of relationships with one's own mother, other mothers within and outside the family, as well as from the messages one receives while living in a particular culture and society.

In our culture, many responsibilities and expectations are placed on mothers, even unrealistic ones to meet. Faced with an inability to meet all these challenges, there is often guilt, shame and doubt about being a good enough mom for her child. In the minds of many women there is an image of the ideal mother. This unmatched ideal is always smiling and happy, puts the needs of her child first, and balances family and work responsibilities without blinking an eye or a shadow of fatigue. It is impossible to match this ideal mother, because such does not exist in reality. Some time ago, a picture circulated on the web that perfectly sums up this issue: I used to be an ideal parent. And then I had children.

Motherhood is often associated with a sense of guilt because you have to make difficult, sometimes even impossible choices. And while the needs of all family members are equally important, there are often times when you have to put your child's needs above your own for a while.

When women feel lost somewhere between who they were before motherhood and who they are now and the expectations they face, many worry that something is wrong with them.

This is often accompanied by ambivalence of feelings. Moms flit between who they were before the baby came along and who they are becoming. With the simultaneous desire to be with the toddler all the time, there is an equally strong desire for space for oneself and freedom. Motherhood is extremely engaging and requires constant giving of oneself. Feelings of confusion, self-doubt, as well as insecurity about whether we are making good decisions and whether we are making the best choices for the situation are something that many women face. This is a common, albeit difficult and aggravating, issue in motherhood. A woman perceives that the scales are tipping to one side and her needs are being neglected, and there is a desire to return to the lost balance. It is incredibly uncomfortable and inconvenient to feel two opposing sensations at the same time, so different strategies for dealing with this discomfort come into play here - they do not always prove to be supportive for the woman and child.

When becoming a mother, we need understanding and support in the transition from the "old" life to the one with the baby. For many women, this is not a smooth transition at all. It involves regret, disappointment, longing for what has passed, for the body before pregnancy, for freedom. When something ends or changes, especially when it involves the loss of something important to us, it's natural to need time to mourn what has passed. Some women, after becoming mothers, have a hard time finding themselves in this new role, finding their identity. There is never a guarantee that motherhood will be equally rewarding and winging for everyone.

Being a mom is a constant journey. Sometimes the road will lead you to the heights of joy and contentment, sometimes you'll end up in the valley of despair, and other times you'll erupt like a volcano. Being a mom is worry, stress, panic and nervously glancing at your watch when your teenager doesn't come home. It's also bathing in the warmth of love and sweet baby smiles. It's the incomparable feeling when little hands grasp your hand or hug you tightly. It's a constant work on your emotions to not take over your children's emotions when you need to be supportive of them. As a mom, you experience moments when you think you can't be any more weak and vulnerable. Just as often you experience surprise and pride in yourself that you have already accomplished so much and that before the era of motherhood this would not have been possible. In caring for your child, you can move mountains. Although after all that hard work, sometimes you need to rest too. Allow yourself to do so, because what you do deserves true recognition and appreciation.