Palejowe ABC - ACCEPTANCE

In them, we will cover all relevant issues that affect the entire therapy process. These are topics to which you also pay special attention. We hope that our alphabet will help you prepare even better for treatment at the Paley European Institute. Our psychologist is still at your disposal. We wish you a pleasant reading and start with the first entry in our Paley ABC.

And how to ACCEPT

One of the more apt definitions of the word is that acceptance is "coming to terms with something that cannot be changed." Sound obvious? But is it really that simple?

The much-repeated slogan "accept yourself" has become a hackneyed platitude, and instead of being reassuring, it is simply irritating. Everyone talks about it, but when it comes down to it, we are not sure either how to do it or what this acceptance really is.

How is it when you accept something pleasant?

Close your eyes for a moment and recall some fond memory. Return with your memory to a situation where you felt safe and happy. Pay attention to where your thoughts are running and how your body is reacting. What is it about that memory, what was it about that event that makes you recall it well, that you can say "it was something that I fully accepted." Most likely, what happened there was not perfect at all. But for some reason you were enthralled by the place, the view, the person.

Now think for a moment about the situation that is causing you unpleasant feelings. Maybe you missed the bus? Or maybe your child started crying loudly and kicking while you were walking, yet you wanted to spend a pleasant afternoon with him? Was it easy for you to come to terms with what happened, or the opposite?

Accepting yourself

Admit honestly to yourself - do you accept yourself as/as you are? Can you stand in front of the mirror and say to your reflection: I am ok?

Many people have difficulty accepting their emotions, their body, their appearance, their lifestyle. They think that accepting something is tantamount to condoning further unwanted behavior and situations. It's like saying to themselves "I'm letting go, I'm not going to change anything anyway."

Acceptance means our willingness to admit that reality is currently what it is. However, it does not mean that I limit myself to the role of a passive observer who has no influence on anything. I can accept my outburst of anger or the fact that I didn't react in the way I wanted to, without reproaching myself that again nothing worked out for me or that I am hopeless. At the same time, I can reflect on how to correct my mistake or react in a way that I think is appropriate and beneficial next time.

By accepting myself, I agree that I can make mistakes and correct them. I accept my imperfections with care and tenderness, and at the same time I can work on them. I take into account the fact that some things are within my control and some are not. I pay attention to my thoughts, needs and feelings and consider whether they serve me. If they do - great. And if not - I look for ways to help myself and make changes.

Accepting the child

Polite, naughty, obedient, disobedient, absent-minded after daddy, lazy, stubborn like grandma... We can pick through the box of labels like the biggest magazine. It's easy for adults to give patches to children, although they themselves don't feel comfortable when someone does that to them. In a way, defining a child (but also ourselves, our partner, our neighbors) acts like the flaps we put over our eyes - it makes it difficult for us to understand the child and the reasons for his behavior. Acting in this way, we move away from understanding the little human being and find it more difficult to accept the child as he is - with all his strengths and weaknesses, with advantages and disadvantages. When we make an effort not to look at a child solely through the prism of his talents or qualities that we consider fixed, we create space to fully accept the child, to see his individuality and uniqueness.

And just as with ourselves, accepting a child does not mean agreeing with his hurtful words or behavior. I accept the little man, with the whole range of his emotions. I give him space to express his feelings, to show what is important to him and what is not. At the same time, I take care of my boundaries - I hold his hand when he hits me, grab his jacket when he wants to run out into the street, say "NO" when I don't agree to something. And when I want the child to act differently, I explain in language he understands what is important to me. I avoid criticizing, comparing, shaming and threatening. The child, like us, has the right to make mistakes and learn from them. He has the right to be in a bad mood, to have a bad day (just like us!). He has the right to be tired. If we relate to it with tenderness and accept it only when it is happy, meets our expectations and "knows how to behave," we are thus showing it that we only accept and love it when it does something we like. Probably no parent wants a child to perceive his acceptance and love in a conditional way and think that he is a valuable person only when he obeys, brings A's from school and meets other people's expectations.

When you see your child as someone separate from you, you make space to accept his plans, his dreams, what kind of person he is becoming. This helps you push aside a bit your expectations of your child and your desire to fit him or her into a framework or scheme. By becoming more attentive to your child's needs and dreams, you will be able to more effectively support him and be his guide through life.