Palejovo ABC - B for BABY and GIRL

Today's grandmothers and grandfathers are far from the stereotypical elderly ladies with a gray bun and distinguished gentlemen with a cane. Increasingly, they are people who are still active professionally, developing their passions and interests outside the home. If only for these reasons, the role of grandparents today is somewhat different than in the past. It is increasingly rare for a grandmother or grandfather to take care of their grandchildren while the parents are at work. The reasons can vary - distance, professional and social activities, as well as illness or ill health. And although it is sometimes difficult to accept - they have the right not to take care of their own grandchildren. On the other hand, there are grandmothers or grandfathers who want to be so intensely involved in the lives of their grandchildren and their children that over time this can contribute to conflicts between family members. Whether grandparents and parents of grandchildren agree or disagree on their expectations and responsibilities and approaches to life, it is worth talking to each other and clarifying what is important to each party. Because in the end, it may turn out that we have the same needs and are motivated by the same goal, but want to get there by a different route.

Dear Grandmothers and Dear Grandparents,

It's a real gift that you are. Not everyone is so lucky. For your grandchildren, you can become wonderful guides through life. Who if not you can talk about important issues and share your experiences so fantastically.

You are often the first person your grandchildren's parents turn to in moments of joy or sadness. By sharing an important piece from their lives, they show you how significant you are to them. They want you to be companions on this challenging parenting journey. You yourselves know how difficult, winding and at the same time beautiful it can be. Remember that sometimes a hug or a simple nod and saying "I hear you're having a hard time" sometimes means more than a thousand golden pieces of advice.

And you too have the right to your own life, time for yourself, travel or work. Sometimes it is a real challenge to reconcile all the roles together, and although you really want to, there is simply not enough time for some things. While engaging in being a grandmother or grandfather, also take care of your own health and well-being. Don't give up on yourself. Fulfilled and happy grandparents are more willing and active in spending time with their grandchildren - you probably experience this yourself. Remember how important your presence is for your grandchildren. Thanks to you, children discover that people can be beautifully different from each other, and yet get along with each other, respect and care for each other. After years of life experience, you often know what is really important in life and what matters. By doing so, you show your children that sometimes it's worth letting go, and other times it's worth focusing on something more. And as time goes by and your grandchildren transform from sweet little beavers into increasingly independent teenagers, you can play a key role in alleviating conflicts that arise between them and their parents. Teenagers often don't want to listen to their parents, but they relate quite differently to their grandmothers and grandfathers. It is with them that they seek reassurance and advice on what decision to make. Even researchers have taken an interest in your role in the life of the family and discovered that when you take an active part in the process of raising your grandchildren. Thus, you contribute to the children's well-being and are less likely to engage in risky behavior. It is good that you are!

Dear Parents,

Certainly, while expecting your child, a picture was slowly forming in your minds not only of you as parents, but also of what kind of grandparents your mothers and fathers would be. Perhaps you expected that as you stepped into the new role of grandmother or grandfather, they would engage in it as strongly and devotedly as you did in being a parent. Perhaps it was quite the opposite and you wanted more independence and depended on grandparents to appear in your children's lives only on holidays.

Sometimes it is difficult to accept that those closest to us have different ideas about life, including raising children. You may have been annoyed many times when your parents treated your children quite differently than you would have liked. While this may seem counterproductive at first glance (and is certainly annoying), it can benefit your children more in the long run. A multitude of experiences and interactions with people and different points of view, can contribute to your children finding themselves in new situations more easily in adulthood, and most importantly - to a better understanding of other people and relationships.

Of course, there are situations from which it is absolutely necessary to protect children. In the case of violence, the sooner we act, the better for the children. However, in other situations, such as those involving screen time or (un)healthy snacks, it's worth asking yourself "how important is this topic to me? By agreeing to this, am I acting against myself and allowing my boundaries to be exceeded?". You may find that some things can be let go. Others will still be non-negotiable. Then it's a good idea to talk frankly with your grandparents and calmly explain to them why the topic is so important to you. Also remember to ask the other party what is important to them about the issue. This will increase the chances of mutual understanding and dialogue.

If, on the other hand, your life has worked out in such a way that grandparents are absent from it, and you would like your children to have contact with the older generation, remember that the role of doyen can just as well be played by a beloved nanny or an elderly neighbor or neighbor to whom you can come for afternoon tea and chats about life. Such friendships will help your children develop empathy, openness and respect for others.

Whether you and your children have a great or good enough relationship with your grandparents, be sure to let them know how important a role they play in your life. They will certainly appreciate it. And Grandparents' Day will be a great opportunity to thank them for their presence, talk to them from the heart and appreciate your relationship together even more.