ABC by Paley – MOM
Being a mother is not only about holding your tiny, fragrant newborn in your hands. A mother is not only a person who raises her biological or adopted child. She is also a woman who lost her pregnancy but has already experienced maternal love. Being a mom is not only about taking care of children as they grow up, gain new skills, experience their first ups and downs. It is also a time full of changes, discoveries and insights into oneself. A time of emotions, joy, disappointments and exhaustion. It is dealing with a new reality that will always be different than before pregnancy and childbirth.
Becoming a mother involves significant physical and mental changes, and even a change in identity. It is a unique process, one of a kind, when we become so responsible not only for ourselves, but for another, completely dependent on us in his first years of life, human being.
Regardless of whether a woman gives birth to her child or becomes a mother in some other way, motherhood offers a chance to travel back in time to her childhood. By looking for patterns, patterns and behaviors that worked or not, a woman can repeat what she thought was good or correct what did not work. If a woman had a difficult relationship with her own mother, she may try to be the mother she needed when she was a little girl.
By the time the baby is born, the woman has an image of this little man in her mind. As time goes on and the belly grows larger and larger, mum creates a story about the baby and motherhood and becomes emotionally involved in the story. Imaginations and expectations regarding pregnancy and motherhood are shaped by observing experiences related to relationships with one’s mother, other mothers within and outside the family, as well as in connection with the message we receive from living in a given culture and society.
In our culture, mothers are imposed many obligations and expectations, even unrealistic to meet. When you are unable to meet all these challenges, you often feel guilty, ashamed and you doubt that you are a good enough mom for your child. In the minds of many women there is an image of an ideal mother. This unattainable ideal is always smiling and happy, he puts the needs of his child first, and without blinking an eye or a trace of fatigue, he reconciles family and professional responsibilities. This perfect mother cannot be equaled because she does not exist. Some time ago, there was an image circulating on the web that perfectly sums up this issue: I used to be the perfect parent. And then my children were born to me.
Motherhood is often associated with guilt because you have to make difficult, sometimes even impossible, choices. And although the needs of all family members are equally important, there are often situations when you need to put your child’s needs ahead of your own for a while.
When women feel lost somewhere between who they were before motherhood and who they are now, and what expectations lie ahead of them, many worry that there is something wrong with them.
It is often accompanied by ambivalence of feelings. Moms struggle between who they were before the baby was born and who they are becoming. With the simultaneous desire to be with the toddler all the time, there is an equally strong desire for space and freedom. Motherhood is extremely engaging and requires constant giving. The feeling of being lost, doubting ourselves, as well as being unsure whether we are making the right decisions and making the best choices in a given situation is something that many women experience. This is a common, though difficult and burdensome issue in motherhood. The woman notices that the scales are tilting to one side, her needs are neglected, and a desire to return to the lost balance appears. Feeling two opposite feelings at the same time is incredibly uncomfortable and uncomfortable, which is why different strategies for dealing with this discomfort come to the fore here – they do not always turn out to be supportive for the woman and the child.
In becoming a mother, we need understanding and support in making the transition from the “old” life to the one with the baby. For many women, this is not a smooth transition at all. It is associated with regret, disappointment, longing for what has passed, for the body from before pregnancy, for freedom. When something ends or changes, especially when it involves the loss of something important to us, it is natural that we need time to mourn what has passed. Some women, after becoming mothers, have difficulty finding themselves in this new role, in finding their identity. There is never a guarantee that motherhood will be just as rewarding and uplifting for everyone.
Being a mom is a constant journey. Sometimes the road will lead you to the peaks of joy and contentment, sometimes you will find yourself in the valley of despair, and other times you will erupt like a volcano. Being a mom is all about worry, stress, panic and nervous glances at your watch when your teen doesn’t come home. It is also bathing in the warmth of love and sweet children’s smiles. It’s an incomparable feeling when little hands grab your hand or hug you tightly. It is constant work on your emotions so as not to take over your children’s emotions when you need to be supportive of them. As a mother, you experience moments when you think that you can’t be any more weak and vulnerable. Equally often you experience surprise and pride that you have done so much and that it would not have been possible before motherhood. You can move mountains to take care of your baby. Although, after all this hard work, sometimes you also need to rest. Allow yourself to do so because what you do deserves real recognition and appreciation.